Setting Boundaries

What is a boundary?

A boundary is an invisible barrier between you and other people - limits beyond which you will not go and beyond which others are not welcome.

It is healthy to have a good sense of where your feelings and opinions start and stop, and where the other person's feelings and opinions start and stop.

It is especially important to know how to set boundaries with difficult people - particularly with those individuals who are critical, manipulative, controlling, demanding or aggressive.

How do I communicate my boundaries to other people?

Here are some words to use:

• I have a problem with that.

• I don't want to.

• I've decided not to.

• This is what I need.

• This is hard for me to say.

• I understand your point of view, but...

• I feel uncomfortable about...

• I'd rather not.

• Yes, I do mind.

• I'd prefer not to.

• It's important to me.

• I'll think about it.

• That's unacceptable.

• I guess we see it differently.

At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway and tell yourself that you have a right to self-care. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don't let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.

Saying "No"

Remember, sometimes saying "no" is necessary for your mental health and it's totally ok to do so! Here are some other ways to say "no" and set boundaries:

• I'm sorry I'm busy.

• Thanks for thinking of me. I really wish I could.

• I'd love to, but I'm already over committed.

• Unfortunately that's not something I can do at this time.

• No, thank you.

• I'm already booked.

• Maybe next time.

• I wish I could, but I just can't.

• I don't think I'm the right person to help with that.

• Sorry, I can't help you this time.

• That sounds fun, but I'm not available.

• That's not going to work for me.

#mentalhealth #boundaries #limits #communication